Relationships among teenagers in very complex
Failure in relationships is a real problem in today’s world where inferiority, exclusivity, and inability to stand up to the competitions framed by society are seen as taking a toll on the personality of youngsters, especially teenagers. As per the results of a 2019 survey conducted by the National Crime Records Bureau, it was found that relationship failures account for 5.2 percent of the total deaths in India by suicide which is a major concern. Not only that, but failure in relationships is also a foremost cause that leads to substance abuse in teenagers.
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Failing to come to terms with rejection causes a drastic drop in one’s self-worth and once a low is hit, the teen shows less or no hesitation in resorting to drugs or even committing crimes. A large number of these cases occur due to a lack of communication and understanding in matters as personal and sensitive as relationships.
To leave it all to be resolved and handled by a teenager who in all likelihood is facing it all for the first time and is often swirling in a whirlpool of emotions, on his/her own is a grave mistake often committed by parents. A large number of these suicides could be prevented simply by bridging the gap and by having a normal conversation regarding the issue of relationships.
To bury their heads in a heap of sand and not acknowledge the phase that a child is quite likely to come across in his/her teenage only aggravates the problem. As a result of this, the child develops consciousness and fear to communicate the problem to his/her parents and tends to confine the grief and sorrows of heartbreak to his/her own self which, after a certain point of time, causes the child to break down.
How should parents prepare their teens to handle rejection?
It’s important for children and teenagers to know their worth and have enough self-confidence to not let it get abridged by any sort of rejection. Such confidence boosters and pep talks can be delivered to the children by their parents who can prepare them for dicey situations and share their own experiences with them to make them feel that they aren’t alone and that everyone, at some point in time, has been through it.
It’s important for teenagers to realize that rejections aren’t a testimony to their lack of ability or imperfection but are just an amalgamation of a number of other factors that might have absolutely nothing to do with the rejected individual. The mindset, preferences, and past experiences of the other person also play a crucial role in decision-making. Rejection faced in one case doesn’t render the person ineligible for acceptance in other relationships. To explain all these to the children and not let them fall from their own eyes is one of the major parenting roles.
Setting boundaries:
It’s important for parents to set boundaries for their children to not let them over-compromise for the sake of a relationship. To lose their own identity while attempting to satisfy their partner is not something to be encouraged.
Also, it’s important to set boundaries in a relationship so as to not let it exceed a certain limit and to not attach oneself to it so adhesively that tampering with it might make someone take leave of their senses. To be in the moment and not get overwhelmed by emotions is something that teenagers need to be taught about.
Competition
To talk about competition, we must, first of all, understand whom we are competing with. In all practicality, teenage relationships are mostly an ‘experimental ground’ for most youngsters. Influenced by movies, series, and peer culture, teenagers, totally oblivious of reality, look for partners who fit in their imagination of ‘perfection’; partners who closely resemble their favorite star or television crush. In order to do that, the focus is mostly rested on short-term qualities rather than durable characteristics.
That’s where the superfluous ‘competition’ comes into play for which teenagers often tend to mold themselves into something which they are not. To look cool, they would pick up smoking or in order to get included, start bunking classes. Such arrangements have disastrous consequences. One tends to lose his individuality and soon, his/her identity. So it’s important to not lose oneself in the heat of competition and not deviate from one’s course for a transient relationship.
Further, individual personality, especially ‘dominance’ traits play a major role in competing for achievement in relationships. Few intelligent teenagers use their reasoning to understand the compatibility with their crush or friend to pursue a relationship.
Future of relationships
The future of a relationship in a teenager is as uncertain as a lot of other things done at that age. As per statistics presented by BBC in 2018, only 3% of marriages in India were actually ‘love-marriage’. A large number of other ‘not so fortunate’ relationships get snapped off in the sands of time due to a large pool of reasons including the partners’ disagreement, parents’ dissent, cheating, etc.
Therefore, while it’s important to plan a relationship to withstand the test of time, it’s also equally important to respect the whip hand of time and not take a relationship to be indefinite. It’s important to be pragmatic and to tend to oneself if things don’t go as planned and to realize that it’s not the end of the world; more chapters will continue to be added to one’s story and a host of happy moments await to be embraced that can only be met if one continues to traverse in the right path.
How to handle cheating in teenage relationships
One of the most prevalent causes for the downfall of any relationship is cheating. Ranging from relatively ‘milder’ instances of ‘seeing’ someone outside the relationship to actually double-crossing in a relationship, instances of cheating are rampant.
More than rejections, instances of cheating are said to have a larger impact on the one who’s been cheated on as it tends to develop in him/her an inferiority complex owing to the fact that the other partner was so overwhelmed by a third person that he/she didn’t even hesitate to break an established relationship. Such incidents fill the cheated partner with agony, anguish, and in some cases, extreme vengeance. This turns the mind into a nursing ground for a mindset adamant to overcome inferiority which, at times, takes dirty turns.
Dealing with cheating is extremely sensitive and everyone around the person has a crucial role to play, either active or passive. Such persons often tend to lose their self-worth. So, for parents, it’s important to remind them of their self-worth and make them realize the presence of all the opportunities that are yet to knock on the doors of their lives. It’s important for the victim to come to terms with the incident and keep him/her indulged in other activities to keep all sorts of negative thoughts at bay. For parents and friends, it is highly important to closely monitor every activity of the children as this is a vulnerable stage where they are most likely to fall prey to substance abuse or the dark world of crime. It’s important to be around them, talk to them, and make them feel comfortable.
Having said it all, it’s important for us to address the fact that not every set of parents has enough time to keep a ‘hawk-eye’ on their children and to detect the presence of a potential case of ‘inferiority’ and address the same on time often known as helicopter parenting. Even if it’s detected and put on the table for discussion, it requires extreme sensitization and proper communicational expertise to talk about it. Also, for a child to talk about it openly to his/her parents, there’s often a visible level of ‘filtration’ and concealment of facts. To avoid an uncomfortable situation or the wrath of parents, children often tend to conceal facts and present only half of the truth.
For all of these, we at Tillu Lab offer an inclusive and wholesome solution. Our carefully curated set of questions presents a reality check of a child’s mental state in accordance with which we then offer a feedback session from our panel of expert psychologists to not only tell him/her what he/she needs to hear but also to help him/her recover and regain self-confidence, in order to re-start life with a pleasant and healthy mind.
Tillu Lab offers a questionnaire of about 80 questions encompassing various aspects of a child’s behavior that help our psychologists form a better and clearer picture of the child’s mental health. Moreover, it also helps our experts to identify and highlight the strengths in the character of the examinee, tapping on which helps them come out as better persons with a greater sense of their abilities, thus imparting a boost of self-confidence. While this personality test particularly helps in the detection and prevention of potential behavioral derailment in young children, this test, for all practical purposes, can be availed by anyone to analyze either their selves or the personality of their loved ones and identify the strengths and weaknesses of the examinee.
This test and the subsequent counseling is a stepping stone for securing a more vital mental interaction with oneself and family, therefore leading to a healthier family ecosystem.